Stress, quarrels and neglect: the 'normal' polygamous family
by Masjaliza Hamzah and Norami Othman, 14 January 2010

When Malaysian women’s rights organisation Sisters in Islam (SIS) argued that polygamy causes social problems and has a negative emotional impact, leading figures of the Islamic establishment in Malaysia would ask, “What proof do you have?”

To provide concrete data to support its anecdotal evidence about the impact of polygamy, in late 2007 SIS launched an ambitious research project whose findings are now beginning to come in. Working with academics from three universities, the research has completed about 1,500 qualitative and quantitative questionnaires from across all 12 states of peninsular Malaysia, along with dozens of in-depth interviews. The SIS research may make a significant contribution to global analysis of polygamy because unlike most studies which focus on the impact on wives, this study is also interviewing husbands and children.

The 1984 federal Islamic Family Law had five conditions a Muslim man had to fulfil before he could take another wife: that he had the financial means; could guarantee equal treatment of the wives; no harm would be caused to the existing wife/wives; the additional marriage was “just and necessary”; and that the proposed marriage should not directly or indirectly lower the existing wife and dependants’ standard of living.

In 1996, the last condition was deleted and in 2004 “just and necessary” was amended to “just or necessary”. Many men found it easier to obtain permission for a polygamous marriage. Whether or not actual numbers of polygamous marriages have increased in recent decades, there has been a noticeable normalising of the practice.

Preliminary findings from the SIS research show that many children of first wives report a strong negative emotional impact. When they went to ask for pocket money or school fees, their father would look at them clueless and say “Which mother are you from?” This happened across the classes.

Polygamy also negatively affects the relationship between children and their mothers, with the former resenting the mother for being unable to make sure the father does not neglect them. The children of second wives usually cope better because from birth they know their father has another family. But the children from the first family can see the comparison: the lack of time, lack of resources, their father’s absence when they needed him. The findings about the impact on children may offer an important opening for advocacy and change that can ultimately benefit women.

The impact of polygamy on women has both economic and emotional aspects. The research has found that many men in both lower and middle economic groups marry second wives so that they will contribute to the economic maintenance of their polygamous families. Women contribute to the 'nafaqa' (the Muslim husband’s responsibility for maintenance) which polygamous husbands tend not to fulfil. The social reality is that most Malaysian women are breadwinners for their families, but women in polygamous families even more so.

SIS’ research also looks at 'nafkah batin', a Malay term referring to sexual and emotional support. Those who support polygamy invariably claim that polygamy works if the husband properly follows the practice of 'giliran', or ‘turn-taking’: dividing time between the wives. But the in-depth interviews show that giliran is in fact unworkable. When asked “Would you recommend polygamy to your children, your son?” a number of the better educated, professional middle class men said, “Seriously, I have to admit I wouldn’t. It’s quite stressful.”

Not just unworkable, the giliran ‘roster’ in fact seems to be largely a myth. When husbands were asked “So who’s turn is it today?” they were unable to answer.

Polygamous wives clearly suffer profound emotional and economic harm, two powerful grounds for future campaigning.
Far from the traditional Muslim ideal of a harmonious family with a male breadwinner providing all the family’s needs, the SIS research is revealing how polygamy leads to unstable and dysfunctional families and how the possibility of being just between wives and avoiding economic harm is a myth.

The research findings will be discussed at the 7th biennial Malaysian Studies Conference (MSC7) in March. SIS also plans booklets based on the findings.